Now with 75% Less Flavor

I don't eat cereal as much as a I used to but I'm an ardant fan of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I have been for a long time, as a matter of fact. Since marrying My Fair Lady, she has tried to convince me that eating healthy at least some of the time is a good thing. Apparently she believes in me a "future investment" so it's only a matter of time before I'm traded on the market in Chicago. I can mentally picture investors getting squeamish when they hear I knocked back Jack in the Box for lunch yesterday.

"Sell! Sell! Sell!"

At any rate, we were in Tom Thumb a while ago and came across a box of the aforementioned cereal. The top of the box heralded how it held 75% less sugar and was therefore healthier. I warily eyed it but decided it couldn't hurt. Just for good measure we picked up a second box because they had a two-for-one sale going.

That should of registered as a warning.

I tried some the next morning and could barely swallow the first bite. My Fair Lady looked at me concerned.

"It's like eating fiber straight from the source," I said.

"You mean you don't like it?" she asked.

"Let me put it this way. I may make it through this bowl, I may not. But regardless of that, there will never be a second bowl poured in Casa de Skim so long as I draw breath."

We went to Lowe's last weekend to look at carpet samples because October is overhauling the house month. We're re-doing the tiles downstairs, and putting down new carpet upstairs in addition to painting everything. The intent is to sell the place next spring and buy a house somewhere. While looking at the carpet samples though I spied one in particular. I poked it, prodded it, and paid close attention to it. Then I licked it.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked an incredulous My Fair Lady.

"Taste testing," I said. "This one tastes better than that damn cereal, too."

"Very good sweetie, but I remain dubious on whether Lowe's grants discounts for licked merchandise."